I once visited a friend’s office and noticed a front-row parking spot labeled “Reserved for Ralph.”
Who’s Ralph? I asked my buddy.
Ralph was the absentee owner.
That small sign sent every employee a big message—a subtle “us vs. them” that quietly divided leadership from the rest of the team.
As I toured that office that day, I got that exact vibe in every conversation I had with the employees.
As family law firm leaders, the most powerful tool we have is the example we set.
Leadership is visual. Our teams respond to what we do far more than what we say.
If we want to inspire and lead them to success, we need to start with what we do.
Here, I explore how our actions shape our firm culture, the subtle ways we can undermine our leadership, and practical steps to set a strong, positive example.
The Power of Modeling in Leadership
Our teams are always watching, taking cues from our behavior far more than from our words.
Whether we’re aware of it or not, our actions set the standard, communicating what we expect.
As leaders, it’s crucial to avoid actions that create distance or hierarchy. True leadership is about closing the gap, not widening it.
Recognizing and Avoiding Negative Modeling
Sometimes, we unintentionally undermine our own leadership with subtle actions that create a negative impact.
Here are a few common pitfalls to watch out for:
- Condescending Attitudes: Prioritizing our perks or convenience over team needs—like a reserved parking spot—sends a message of “I’m better than you.” It creates distance instead of connection.
- Allowing Gossip: When we allow gossip or criticism of colleagues to go unchecked, it tells the team that negativity is acceptable, eroding trust and morale.
- Big Egos: Bragging or self-promotion quickly weakens team unity. Sarcasm or negativity about the firm’s goals also damages morale, eroding our influence and authority.
- Inconsistent Standards: Holding ourselves to different standards—like being late or unprepared—signals that leaders are above the rules, undermining respect and accountability.
Each of these behaviors may seem minor but can deeply impact team culture.
Practical Truths About Leadership
As leaders, the more responsibility we take on, the fewer privileges we should expect.
Unlike the “titled mentality,” where a title brings entitlement, real leadership is about letting go of ego.
It’s about holding ourselves to the same standards as our team—and being accountable for our actions.
The higher we rise, the more we must put our team’s needs above our own.
And as we move up, we often need to redefine relationships with former peers to maintain objectivity and uphold our authority.
True leadership isn’t about special treatment; it’s about setting the example everyone can follow.
Practical Steps to Strengthen Positive Modeling
Mistakes are inevitable, but the best way to handle them is to own them—loudly, quickly, and clearly.
If we allow gossip or criticism to slide in a meeting, address it directly. Admit the oversight, apologize to those affected, and set things right.
This simple act not only repairs trust but also demonstrates true accountability.
Here are a few more strategies to strengthen positive modeling:
- Regular Self-Reflection: Keep asking yourself, “Why am I doing this?” Aligning our motives with team goals keeps us focused on setting the best example.
- Share Vulnerabilities: Showing our own weaknesses makes us relatable. When we acknowledge our flaws, we build trust and show that we’re committed to improvement.
- Lead by Example: If we want something done, we should be the first to do it. When we “show, don’t tell,” we earn respect and build trust in our leadership.
Each of these steps strengthens our example, making us a leader worth following.
Levels of Effective Modeling
Effective modeling comes in levels, each with a different impact on our team.
When we lead by example without explanation, we show good leadership. But we miss a chance to deepen understanding.
Taking it a step further by explaining our actions—a “show and tell” approach—helps the team grasp the “why” behind what we do.
The ultimate level? Explaining why something matters, then backing it up with action.
This full-circle approach is powerful, instilling confidence, commitment, and clarity across the team.
As law firm leaders, the example we set shapes more than just work habits—it forms the heart of our firm’s culture.
Our actions speak louder than any words, creating a blueprint our teams follow.
Leading by example is our best tool for building a united, motivated team ready to succeed together.
